User-agent: Mediapartners-Google* Disallow: Things that make you go hmmm.: May 2006

Things that make you go hmmm.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Drunk Jokes

Now, you may know that I don't drink and think getting drunk is destructive and idiotic behavior. I even posted about it here back in August. But, these jokes about drunks just tickled my funny bone. They are just jokes.

Never question a drunk...
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

Gotta love drunk people...

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not! It's 3 o'clock in the morning and it's pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, Please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I paid $2.85 for gas!

No, not per gallon but for a whole tank. I didn't really, but that is about all that people in Venezuela pay for a tank of gas. That's right, they have the world's cheapest gas prices at $0.12 a gallon. Did you see this report a few weeks ago? Here is an article on MSNBC from May 10. I think it has gone up to a whopping $0.14 since then, but you can still fill a 20 gallon tank for less than what you pay for one gallon here. Most of the stations here have been stuck at $2.99 a gallon for a few weeks. Apparently afraid to go over the big $3 mark.

I remember just about 10 years ago, we paid $0.89 a gallon. What is the cheapest price you remember paying for a gallon of gas? I also remember how when it was starting to inch up to $1, thinking that I can live with that. Ugghhh! Now it is three times that. How have the gas prices affected you? Or have they? Do you drive less, have you changed to a more fuel efficient vehicle, or do you still drive the same and try not to think about it?

I got an email forwarded to me the other day about water fuel with a story of a man who has developed a way to change water to HHO instead of H2O (I think) and can burn it and use it as a safer way to weld and he also was able to develop a deal for his car so he can safely use water instead of gas for fuel. I also heard from a coworker that she heard of a converter you can put on a diesel vehicle to burn used cooking oil. I wonder what new technology will take off and be used in the years to come.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Cute Quote # 5

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

Friday, May 19, 2006

Cute Quote # 4

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two aspirin" and
"Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Cute Quote # 3

"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep.

Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."

--Author Unknown

Monday, May 15, 2006

Cute Quote # 2

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."--Dave Barry

Maybe this should have been my Mother's Day post... ummm, maybe not.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Cute Quote # 1

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh'."
--Conan O'Brien

Friday, May 05, 2006


Taylor Hicks - See

Benny Hinn - See

See any similarities, or is it just me?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Animal Oddities

Here are some more things that I found on the internet, this time all about animals and insects and other creatures. Some of these make you wonder if they are true and for sure make you wonder who and why someone would have tested such things.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. (why should he?)

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (now come on, how can you test this to be true?)

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.